VACANCY – Ghost Writer Required by Martin Ellis
I’m very impressed by Sir Richard Branson (And James Caan too). He has hordes of people reading his heartfelt blogs and thoughts, and he gets a stream of “Yes, Sir Richard” and “No, Sir Richard” and “Three bags full Sir Richard” in answer to every post.
I want some of that.
I blog a bit and really think about it. I try make people think and challenge themselves, but all I attract is a bunch of pedants correcting my spellling, or people who want an argument. Time to change tack I think, I’m therefore looking for a Ghost Writer. This is a new role.
Reporting directly to me, at least when I’m not away on my holiday island in the Thames Estuary, you will craft blogs in my name regularly. You can write about anything, as long as it’s about me and makes me appear normal. This is a challenge, but I will be available for photo’s of me looking earnest and talking to world leaders, or walking on a beach in a linen shirt. You may NOT Photoshop a tie on me in any circumstances. I am a man of the people. Sort of.
Blogs can be as long or as short as you want, and you will build a following large enough to raise advertising revenue and, perhaps, some sponsorship from the likes of, say, Hello (who will also feature me talking to my good friend Sir Cliff Richard). What I’m after here is numbers and an audience, so on no event should you write anything controversial.
You will write about sharing, reasonableness, innovation (do that a lot) and, sometimes, my space project. (Ahh yes, the space project… tricky one that… just keep up the pretence. It makes me look good and my audience love me for it)
Essential skills and experience:
- You must be able to write a bit
- You will probably have a laptop computer
- You like wearing beige
- O-Level History
- Photoshop – I need a picture of me with Nelson Mandela. Oh yes, and the Pope. Not sure about Donald Trump, but absolutely not Teresa May. She’s way too parochial.
You can use a camera and able to take photos of me looking earnest and talking to world leaders, or walking on a beach in a linen shirt. I am up for any sort of shot that makes me look adventuresome of fun. I am full of fun all the time. Oh the stories I could tell……
Preferred but not essential:
- GCSE English would be good
- You can suspend reality and live in a world entirely in my head
- You will know stuff about space. You know, where you get all weightless and shit.
PAY AND RATIONS
You take 10% of all ad revenues from my blog, at least until we gather a total revenue of £250k. Then we’ll do something different. And cheaper.
This is an exciting opportunity that’s all about ME!!!!!!!!! I am looking to build brand Martin Ellis into something that people love and adore. You will get a bonus when I get a knighthood. Between us we’ll paper over the cracks of reality and create a world of aspiration and imagination that will capture the masses and have them hanging on my every word. If we get this right, we can keep this going for years.
Interested? Let’s go!